Day 181, Docent, Jean

Saturday, 6/1/2019

Two weeks from now is moving day to Channing House. I could probably move now, it the apartment was ready. I only need to repot the wax plants. I have a couple of attractive small hanging pots from Amazon to put them in. I am waiting for them to finish their current bloom, then I’ll prune them and repot them and they will be ready to go. Pretty much everything else is ready as well.

I conducted the noon tour at the Museum today. Had a good crowd, 25 or so, and most hung with me to the end. Later I called Jean suggesting dinner. I want to talk F2F about this wedding trip. She didn’t pick up, so left a message.

I did get in touch with her and we went out to supper. She brought up the wedding trip and said it did seem like too much trouble for the benefit. Excellent.

Day 180, dining table exit, real estate

Friday, 5/31/2019

I went for the usual run in the morning. I don’t recollect now (24 hours later) what I did to pass the time until the scheduled feature of the day, the arrival of the people who’ve bought my dining table and chairs (day 164). They showed a bit ahead of time and we loaded the table, the two leaves, and the six chairs into their rather large SUV. It all fit well, and off they went.

I felt a bit emotional about seeing this furniture go, but not as much as I feared I might. It was one of the first things Marian and I bought together, but I cannot now remember the actual buying of it. I’m sure it came, like most of our furniture, from Danish Concepts or some similar Scandinavian-flavor place. The round table occupied the center of our octagonal dining room for about 40 years. At least 15 years ago the table top had accumulated some scratches, and we sent it out to be refinished.

The leaves got little use. For maybe 20 years, through the 90s, we hosted a party of five every other month when we would meet with the Kellehers and our mutual friend Randy. To set for five required putting in one of the leaves. I have a couple of pictures of times we hosted Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner for more people, and put in both leaves to seat eight or nine, but those were rare events, a dozen times at most.

After Randy died we continued to alternate months between our house and the Kelleher’s but with only four diners, no leaf was needed. For the last few years, since the Kellehers moved into a retirement home, we didn’t do any hosting, and only used the table as a convenient place to set things. We ate our own meals in the living room, watching TV.

Once the table was gone, I proceeded with the plan I’d had in mind for a week, since Deb texted to say the table was sold and would go on this day. Namely, I moved all the boxes of furniture I’ve bought for the new apartment, into the dining room, and stacked the other things I’ve already packed for my move on them. It makes one compact cubical heap about 4 foot on a side. That cleared out the spare room, and there I have collected all the things that are also going with me but which need professional packing by the movers, art work and such.

During this Chuck texted to say that Lawyer Lady’s agent had been in touch. Her client has apparently been working 20 hours a day on a major project at her law firm and hasn’t had time to ponder our counter-offer; could they have through Sunday? Sure, no problem. And also, she would like to visit the house one more time with her friend the decorator. Could they do that today at 4? Yeah no prob.

So I tidied up a bit, and left the house at 3:30. I sat for a while in the car near Peers Park, then drove over to CH and sat reading in the lobby until the dining room opened at 5:30. After supper I came on home.

In the evening Jean emailed to ask if I would be willing to drive her to the wedding of Robert Lacrampe. Robert is probably late 20s, early 30s? He is the youngest child of Pierre Lacrampe, Marian’s and Jean’s cousin. I last really interacted with him when he was a teenager. I remember him as a cheerful and intelligent kid who liked to pronounce his name the French way, hhhrrro-BEAR.

Anyway he is getting married on July 20 in Calistoga. Ceremony at 5, then “cocktails (formal)”, then dinner. Google maps says 2:30 to 3:00 hours drive time on a Saturday. That means a 1pm departure for me, pick up Jean, drive to Calistoga, and even if we skip the dinner and leave after an hour of schmoozing, probably a twelve hour round trip, 5-6 hours of driving. Plus, I no longer have a suit; and if I have a necktie I probably don’t have a good shirt to wear it on. Nearest I can get to “formal” is a brown sport coat with gray slacks and a black turtleneck.

Well, I spelled this out to Jean in an email, not saying “no”, just saying here’s the deal. We’ll see.

Day 179, Yosemite

Thursday, 5/30/2019

At 10:30 last night Chuck texted that he had confirmation our counter-offer had been received, but no response to it. He didn’t text anything today, so presumably the buyer is thinking and running their own numbers. I’m determined not to go any lower. My counter was a significant drop from the original asking price, and adjusted to get what I want out of the deal, and it’s my bottom line. If they turn it down, we’ll be on the route to multiple-listing the property, probably in early July.

I drove to Yosemite where I spent the day photographing objects. Aurora, the curator who rides herd on this group of volunteers, has embarked on a monumental task, examining every box on the shelves at Yosemite. There must be several hundred boxes. Each is a “banker’s box” made of archival (acid-free) cardboard. In each are cardboard trays, and in the trays are artifacts nestled in archival plastic foam. Several years ago I helped to pack some of these boxes when the collection was moving from the museum building to the Yosemite warehouse.

Each box is opened, the artifacts lifted out and their numbers looked up in the database. Various errors can turn up, for example objects having the wrong location code, or battery-powered objects with batteries still in place. For some boxes, or some trays, there are no photographs in the database, and these are being set aside for photography. Today I and another volunteer worked through two boxes, maybe 50 objects. Including a box of slide-rule type artifacts, a Jeppsen flight calculator, another big circular computer used to calculate radio-frequency reflectances, and… a Micky Mouse Math rule that did addition.

Day 178, FOPAL, Luskin

Wednesday, 5/29/2019

After a run in the morning I went to FOPAL about noon and worked through 4:30.

In the morning and again in the afternoon, a chap at CH was asking if anyone had a slide projector; he’d recently been handed a collection of 50-year-old slides and wanted to look at them. I did, so I told him I’d bring mine over.

I wanted to attend a lecture by Fred Luskin scheduled for 7pm, so I drove over about 6:15. I set the projector by my chair as I ate, and shortly Harry introduced himself and took the projector.

Luskin is the director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project. I was aware of this, having written about it in the first version of my book. His main point on this night was how easy it is to demonize the other, to “see all the bad on that side”, and how important it is, for personal contentment as well as for the good of society, to change your attitudes.

What I was thinking during the talk was how difficult that change can be. To demonize, to “see all the bad in the other” is a tempting posture. It relieves stress, because it removes ambiguity. Ambiguity is stressful and upsetting, and we all like to avoid it. But forgiveness means allowing the possibility of good will, and even good arguments, to the other side, whatever the other side might be for you. It means embracing ambiguity, not resolving it. In addition, a point Luskin didn’t make, there are people and powerful organizations who benefit from persuading you to demonize. That’s how you get people to contribute, to vote, to volunteer, and to fight. I’m not criticizing him for not making that point, because his intent was to teach personal practices that make forgiveness easier.

Day 177, unstructured

Cannabis report: 18mg CBD/4.5mg THC taken between 7:30 and 9pm had little effect. Perhaps a bit of dizziness when settling into bed. No other noticeable effects. Well, perhaps I had fewer wakings in the night. I think I’m done with these experiments.

Tuesday, 5/28/2019

Started the day with a walk to the YMCA. Then was faced with a blank calendar, for which I’m not well prepared. Put in an hour on Zooniverse, which is my #3 volunteer activity after CHM and FOPAL. Put in a couple of hours playing my space game. Did some reading.

Chuck sent the estimate for the appraisal, which I OK’d; and also a the counter-offer document for my e-signature. So that’s been presented. Tomorrow, or anyway this week, we will know if the house is sold. I don’t plan to go any lower than the counter.

Walked down to Philz Coffee out of boredom. Now looking at whether to go over to CH for supper, or just veg. out here. I don’t like blank calendar days.

Then Chuck called; he needs a couple of signatures to complete the counter-offer. I drive to his office and sign several bits of paper. Then, since I’m out in the car and it’s 5:30, I drive on over to CH for supper.

Day 176, FOPAL, realty

Cannabis report: 15mg/15mg did give me a slight buzz, a little hint of vertigo when moving or turning over, and that persisted until the small hours. I did not sleep any better. The only real effect of the THC was to increase the effect that I remarked on three days back: on the edge of sleep, I was treated to a wild show of abstract art on the inside of my closed eyelids. For several minutes — maybe? maybe only a minute or two, but long enough to think, “very pretty, but I’m not sleeping, go to sleep”) — was looking at fields of intricate patterns, or figures like claymation animation, in rich colors. The one definite difference that THC makes.

In the morning I had a dull headache and felt foggy for a while. A hangover? Or just coincidence, I can’t say. But definitely, THC intoxication is not worth pursuing for its own sake.

Monday, 5/27/2019

A day with no scheduled activities on the google calendar. I’ll have to meet with Chuck at some point and make up my mind as to whether to counter-offer the Lawyer Lady. I start the day by jogging a different route, down Oregon Expressway and over the pedestrian bridge to the SFCU office by the golf course, where I can deposit a benefits check. Yes, Via benefits is still sending paper checks even after multiple attempts to set up direct deposit on their website, and a call to customer support which got me a paper form to return, which I did. For some things they do electronic transfer, for others they don’t. I’m giving up on them.

Then I went to FOPAL where there were seven boxes of books piled up by the Computer section. I culled them and priced the better ones. This turned up three that were “high value”, books that have online prices of more than $25. That’s always fun. They go in a special cart to be dealt with by the volunteers who sell the high-value ones on eBay. I ended up with about 35 books worth reselling, and priced and shelved them. Then I spent another 90 minutes doing sorting.

I picked up a few food items at the grocery store nearby and brought them home. Chuck stopped by a bit after three and we discussed what to do next. He’d had no new calls despite the ad running over the weekend. He says that a year ago, such an ad would have produced several calls. I want to get the sale done with, so we agreed he would present the counter-offer we discussed on Friday, tomorrow. Hopefully they will react favorably and we will be on the way.

I’m not quite sure what experiment to make next with cannabis. Two gel-caps, 20mg CBD, didn’t have a soporific effect. I am not interested in upping the THC. The only thing that might have made me sleep better was the time I took two of the gummies. That was 12mg CBD and 3mg THC. I think tonight I’ll take three gummies, 18mg/4.5mg. That should be comparable to the two gel-cap dose, and do nothing, but maybe there is something about the gummy formulation that is different.

Day 175, coffee, shoggoths, supper

Sunday, 5/26/2019

Out for coffee as usual. This weekly ritual continues to be a focus of grief. I haven’t written much about grief lately, partly because it hits less and less often. But it does come, and not only when walking to coffee. Today I was thinking about the irony that Marian wasn’t even that fond of the Sunday morning walk to coffee. It was me that wanted it as a definite break, doing something unlike the other mornings to mark the end of one week and the start of the next. She’d have been happy, I think, to stay home and have the same coffee as usual. So it’s a bit ironic that it is on just these walks that I remember her most poignantly.

Part of grief, part of the loss of a partnership, is the lack of anyone to share what you see. Anything you notice, anything unusual, any change in the neighborhood or the weather, what’s your first impulse? Well, mine was, and still is, to point it out to Marian. An observation shared is more real. If only I see that there’s an unusual bloom on a bush, or somebody walking along with a cute dog or an unusual hat, or a new construction fence to herald imminent demolition of another house — if only I see that event, is it real? Pointing at it, hearing, “Huh, yeah,” back from your partner: then it’s real. Real-er anyway. Real in a different way, not only because somebody else verified that you saw something, but that they concur with your interest or concern, and so validate that.

Living without a partner to share and validate your experiences is a different life. What’s a constructive response? Well, journaling is one. Hence at least one reason for this blog.

At 12:30 I left for Redwood City. I have a ticket for Shoggoths on the Veldt, a production at the Dragon Theater, one of several local theatres I sometimes attend. Today’s play is a Victorian fantasy. From the program, “When famed Victorian explorer Melford Pumbleshire is torn to pieces by something horrible and unseen while on safari in deepest, darkest Africa, his redoubtable fiancé Euphonia Riggstone must lead an expedition to put his unquiet spirit to rest.” She hires a supposedly rugged adventurer who turns out to be seasick and gun-shy; along the way they meet a refined Victorian lady who turns out to be the high priestess of the Black Temple; there are not one but two woman-on-woman knife fights, and a fairly clever twist ending. I would love to edit the script, which I am sure could be trimmed by ten minutes at least, and I think a couple of important plot points were lost when the background music obscured some dialog, but still it was a lot of fun.

For a cannabis trial tonight I’m going to take more THC than I have before, trying to find out at what level I get a perceptible “buzz”. Three squares of chocolate, 15mg CBD, 15mg THC, at 8:15pm.

Later, nearing 10pm, I may feel a little bit dizzy. I’ll go to bed and continue in the morning.

Day 174, Docent, Concert

Cannabis: At 9pm I took two gel-caps, for a total of 20mg CBD, 5mg THC. An hour along, nothing. And no perceptible change in sleep patterns. I’m becoming disappointed.

Saturday, 5/25/2019

A relaxing time-wasting morning before an 11:15 departure for the museum to lead a tour. Had about 20 people and they seemed entertained. I headed home to spend a few hours playing around before eating a cheese and pickle sandwich for supper and heading right back to the CHM, this time for a concert.

The Saint Michael Trio is a local musical group I had never heard of until someone at Channing House — either a fan or a relative of one of the players — posted on the resident email list. They’ve been performing and educating about music in this area for 12 years. The concert was their annual “gala” performance. The first half was classical works including a Mendelsson Piano Trio. The second half was jazz numbers.

Truth to tell I wasn’t that impressed. In part this was due to the acoustics in the Hahn Auditorium at CHM, which is basically a big square room with a high ceiling. The Trio used minimal amplification, just a couple of mics on stands between the violin and the cello and I’m not positive they were on. A lot of the nuances of the sound were lost by the time they reached me, sitting near the back. Allowing for that, I still wasn’t blown away by the musicianship. They did “In a Sentimental Mood”, a Duke Ellington composition originally recorded by him and violinist Stéphane Grappelli. I’d not heard this before but there were places where I am sure the Saint Michael violinist played the wrong notes, or was late. It wasn’t pleasant listening.

Anyway, home around 10, too late to try out any edible cannabis tonight.

Day 173, OMCA, realty

Cannabis report: taking 10mg/10mg had little, if any, effect. I woke up a couple of times around midnight and two AM, and both times noticed something possibly THC-related. As I’m falling asleep, I often “see” abstract patterns of light or color, which are entertaining and fun to notice. This night, I noticed that I was seeing unusually varied and detailed images, like a crazy slide-show of abstract art. I don’t recall now any of the images, only that they had a different quality, more varied and more detailed, than my normal falling-asleep experience. Could have been the THC — except that this was 3 and 4 hours after consumption.

Friday, 5/24/2019

Shortly after waking realized that it is just over a week to the six-month anniversary of Marian’s death. Which is significant in that, absent any firm offer on the house, I need an appraisal done to establish its value. I had discussed this with Chuck last week, and he assured me he knew an appraiser who would do a good job on short notice. At that time we were expecting a possible offer from Lawyer Lady so left it to “next week”. Well, I realized this morning, it’s the last day of “next week”, and there’s a holiday next week.

So I texted Chuck at 7am to initiate the appraisal today if possible. He replied OK, but later I learned that an appraiser can be instructed to come up with a value “as of” a particular time. In this case, the appraiser will be instructed to state the value “as of” Marian’s death. Quite possibly that will be a higher value than the house will sell for in today’s market, with the result I might actually have a loss for income tax purposes.

Then it was off to Oakland to meet with Darlene to visit the Oakland Museum of California, or OMCA as they call themselves. The main reason was to view the photographs of Andrew Russell, who used a cumbersome wet-plate view camera to document the building of the transcontinental railway. He it was who took the iconic picture of the completion:

east20and20west20shaking20hands20at20laying20last20rail

The pictures are amazingly detailed. They’ve taken some of the 8-inch square negatives and printed them 8 feet square and you an walk right up and count leaves on bushes.

Darlene was interested in the exhibit “Queer California: Untold Stories”, pointing to pictures of marches she and Jessea had participated in. We had lunch in the museum cafe and then I headed back, arriving home in good time for Chuck to drop by.

His main news was the official offer from the Lawyer Lady (her name is Daphne, I learned). We went over the offer, and then we penciled out a lot of numbers starting with my goal for net proceeds, adding all the fixed costs and taxes that will be charged in escrow, adding in 5% commission (2.5% to each broker). This gives my bottom-line number, and it is surprisingly close to what the other agent stressed was an absolute top-line number from Lawyer Lady. There’s a lack of clarity about whether the other agent expects to take her 2.5% commission out of escrow, or if she will be paid directly by the buyer and so not be dipping in the escrow pot. In the worst case we’re only 4% apart.

After hashing it around awhile, I want to wait and not counter until next week. This is because of a foolish hope that a better buyer might see the ad in the Daily Post and call Chuck over the weekend. If that doesn’t happen he will present a counter-offer on Tuesday.

Later I went to CH for supper. On the way through the basement from the garage I stopped at Angela’s office. She was in and could give me good news on the unit. The custom cabinets for the bathroom are in, and the top (not clear if that’s the top for the kitchenette counter or the vanity counter), and demolition should start soon. There should be no problem completing the job for the 6/15 move-in date. We talked about how she should let me know when she has scheduled the last step, which is deep-cleaning the carpets. After that I can start bringing stuff in, if there’s anything I want to move ahead of the 15th.

Day 172, Shustek, room divider

Thursday, 5/23/2019

Drove over to Shustek for a day of cataloging. Only notable item was a Kuri robot, a cute little thing made by a Redwood City startup that unfortunately didn’t achieve much in the way of sales and terminated after a year.

In the midst of cataloging, Deborah the sale lady called. She wants to pick up the big room divider/media stand. She and her daughter came by in two cars, and with some effort we moved the three pieces of the stand into them. She took a few other things and gave me my share in cash. This is not at all a money-making proposition. I look at what we paid for these things in the home inventory that Marian carefully maintained, and stuff is selling about 10 cents on the dollar. No capital gains to report for sure.

I think I’ll double up the Kiva chocolates tonight: 10mg/10mg. Later: 90 minutes after taking two of the choc. squares I feel: nothing unusual. I’m yawning, but I always do this time of night. Hmph.