Tuesday 10/22/2024

Today was an all-day outing to Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park — near Santa Cruz — also home to the Roaring Camp steam railroad. A record 40+ people had signed up so we had a big and very comfy bus. Took the steam train ride,

and afterward, walked the loop trail through the big trees. Here’s neighbor Martha for scale in front of the largest tree in the park.

Did a few email chores, had dinner, participated in the Tuesday sing-along in the lobby. Just another day in comfort city.

Monday 10/21/2024

Started my walk a bit early so I could meet Dennis at Peet’s in Town and Country around 8:30. That is almost exactly when I got there, and he was 2nd in line for coffee behind me. So punctuality runs in the family. We called Laurel while sitting outside feeding crumbs to the red-wing blackbirds.

Down to CH and to the monthly Event Coordinator meeting at 10:30. The usual secretary was away so someone asked me to make a voice recording, so I just started Voice Memo going. Afterward I discovered that the phone automatically makes a transcript of a voice recording, so I could send that to the chair, very handy.

Made myself a lunch of a sandwich made of leftover pulled pork from my BBQ dinner last night. Then down to FOPAL where I met with Henry at 1pm. He had volunteered to shadow me so he could do the computer section if I was unavailable. Super-nice guy, he has been doing LP record sales for some time so was familiar with looking things up online and pricing things.

Back to CH with no real time for a nap darn it, for Rhonda’s monthly open meeting at 4. She walked the assembled residents through the budgeting process for employee compensation, in all its many forms, stressing that this was 70% of our operating costs, while we have a goal of being an “employer of choice” in the senior residence industry.

Got a wee short nap and then a simple supper and it was time to set up for a concert. This was Nova and Daniel, Nova being a performer and a vocal instructor at Stanford, Daniel being a professional keyboard player, piano, organ, classical, pop. They put on a terrific show of songs by Cole Porter, really top-notch professional entertainment. They were happy to allow me to record it, so I spent the show switching among our 3 cameras to get good views and closeups.

Sunday 10/20/20224

Well, not so low, just unstructured. Didn’t do much all day. Well, put new strings on the new guitar because I didn’t like the feel of the ones the store had used. Probably identical, but new strings feel better anyway.

I have arranged to give the previous guitar, the Yamaha, to a kid in East Palo Alto. I contacted Mora, the director of the Youth Community Services, who I helped put on her lecture Wednesday evening, and she arranged for one of her people to pick it up this coming Wednesday. This evening I got an email thanking me from one Diego Torres. Little premature but shows a good spirit.

I went out on my own to a BBQ place and had a beer and some pulled pork for dinner. Now I might finally do some of the writing I’ve been promising myself to do all day.

Saturday 10/19/2024

Walked out for coffee with Joanne in the morning. Nothing more to say there. Put on my red shirt and went to the Museum and led the noon tour for about 20 people. Got a nice little hand at the end. Played some guitar.

Friday 10/18/2024

Did several things today. First thing I woke up knowing how to finish the “un-commitment” pledge and edited that into the prior day’s post. I’ve been living with an inner dopamine glow from yesterday afternoon to now, so pleased am I with those insights. I got the same glow back in the day as a software developer when I solved a really tough bug.

I took the standard walk, all good. Then reviewed guitars at the Martin website, learning about the one that I tried and liked yesterday. After lunch I dropped off my ballot and drove down to Gryphon and bought the guitar, a D-18 (but you know, they all look pretty much alike). It’s somewhat smaller than the one I’ve been using, and incredibly light, yet noticeably louder. You ask, how can an acoustic guitar that is smaller, be louder? It’s all in the structure. They talk about how there’s a layer of carbon fiber under the bridge and the internal bracing and the sitka spruce top, blah blah, whatever; bottom line, smaller box, more noise. Importantly, it’s more mellow than the old one, and lacking that nasty ringing on the top strings that’s been bugging me.

Edited the video from the presentation I ran last night and put it up on our Vimeo channel. So crossed off almost everything on the day’s to-do list.

Thursday 10/17/2024

Nice day for a lot of reasons. Didn’t do much, well, went back to Gryphon and tried a couple of guitars, but I forgot to bring my checkbook so didn’t actually buy one, but picked one that I probably will buy. We’ll see. Saw a headline about Elon Musk contributing $75M to the Trump campaign, which inspired me to go and contribute another $1000 to the Harris campaign — and fuck you, Elon.

But I had a philosophical breakthrough, busting a problem that has baffled me for months. I refer you, gentle reader, to my First Year Review essay, linked at the top of this page. Scroll all the way down that lengthy document to the last heading, “Looking Ahead”, where I was working out the reasoning behind the firm decision that I would never have another romantic partner. No, don’t bother reading all that; I’ll summarize it here.

This was a decision I reached early in the bereavement process. To quote myself,

At my age, any anticipated pleasures of love are very much trumped by the anticipated pain [of bereavement]. Or, by the pain of the alternative, being the partner who goes through the dying process, dependent on the generous care of the other. Nope nope nope.

This actually made more and more sense as time went on. But on the other hand, there were internal forces and external events that were making me question it, and the internal mental argument was uncomfortable.

Here in a retirement home I see many sad examples; I can name four husbands whose wives are in the nursing side, or should be, and the husbands spend much of their time being with the disabled partner, who might be comatose, demented, or have multiple impairments from a stroke. Joanne and I were talking about some of these cases over dinner the other night and she said something like, “There ought to be some way to relieve that…” We just left it there; but today, her remark clicked with something else to give me a whole different picture of the possibilities of late-life romance.

First, what dawned on me this afternoon (reader, you might think it should have dawned on me a little sooner, but hey, I’m slow) was that the partners we see around Channing House, whose lives are being limited by their spouse’s failed health, all signed up for this. I mean that 40, 50, 60 years ago, these folks vowed “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.” Today, spending their last years aiding a disabled spouse, they are simply fulfilling that vow. And they deserve great moral credit for doing so. And we really can’t fault them for holding to whatever they think their vows require.

But after that thought, came another: You don’t have to make that sort of commitment when entering into a partnership. And, late in life, you should not. But… what kind of commitment would you make? I started trying to imagine a variation of the classic marriage vow that didn’t just skip the “sickness or in health” part, but denied it, inverted it, flipped the script. Something like this,

In our health I rejoice in your companionship, but I want never to hold you back. When I am disabled in body or mind, my joy then will be in knowing you live on in health.

Suppose two people said that to each other. Would that make actual bereavement any better? Well, no; if you love somebody, and they die, you’ll suffer. But in the more common event, where one partner doesn’t die but their body fails, then I think yes, both people could feel better, even joyful, that they had previously made such an “un-commitment” vow.

Next morning update! It would be possible for the “un-commitment” to soften the pain of bereavement, at least. Read this new extended version:

In our health I rejoice in your companionship, but I will never hold you back. When I am disabled in body or mind, my joy then will be to know you live on in health; and I mean my final thought to be a glad “you live!”

Oh, man, that makes me tear up just reading it.

If two people said this to each other, I think the pain of the survivor would be softened when the other passes. Whether they did or didn’t actually have that final thought, they meant to, and that makes a huge difference on “survivor guilt”.

Wednesday 10/16/2024

Multi-tasked running the laundry and editing the video for the presentation last Sunday.

At 11am I was supposed to join a meeting regarding the AV team’s requests for Heritage Circle grant money, for the next grant cycle. However the meeting was postponed to next week when Rhonda was delayed.

After lunch I joined the monthly FOPAL volunteer zoom meeting. Janette (manager) mentioned my desire to recruit somebody to back me up in case I wanted to take a vacation, and another volunteer in the meeting, Henry Yu, volunteered for that. Later in the day we emailed back and forth and set next Monday to meet.

At 2:30 I went to the Car-Free club meeting. That’s a group composed of people who have (or plan to) give up their cars, to share info on using forms of public transit. The organizer, Maryanne, had wanted to see how to mirror a phone screen on the big TV in the Activity room. Then it turned out she didn’t need to do that after all.

Had an early-ish supper and went into the Auditorium to set up for a lecture. This was some people from East Palo Alto Youth Community Services, a volunteer organization that gets young people from EPA (the relatively poor side of Palo Alto) doing public service. The director, Mora, was very helpful and checked out. She had been here Monday to plan the event, we laid out the stage differently from the usual, with the podium on stage left and chairs for a panel stage right. It all went off pretty smoothly. Sadly, residents are a bit burned out on lectures, there have been so many candidate nights and such, there were only like 25 people in the room. Just the same I had a good time using our three video cameras to get different angles on speakers. Pity there were only 3 people signed in on Zoom to appreciate my work.

Tuesday 10/15/2024

The day kind of passed in a blur. There was the writers meeting, to which I contributed nothing. I spent some time tidying up, it’s housekeeper day. Spent some time in guitar practice. Ate a meal or two sometime.

In the afternoon I met with Jerry who showed me how to use MuseScore music editing software, and later I used it to transpose Rocking Around the Christmas Tree (hereinafter RATCT) from G to C. I need to get serious about assembling our little group of performers, me and Craig and Linda at least, to practice that.

Monday 10/14/2024

Started with the monthly resident association meeting. Rhonda announced she is hiring an executive director/COO to manage day-to-day operations while she focuses on long-term strategic goals.

Then off FOPAL for the post-sale cleanup. It looked like I sold quite a few books, a lot of gaps on the shelves. But I didn’t take an actual count. Anyway, two boxes of July books off to the bargain room.

At 3:30 i met with Sally, who is sponsoring the heads of an East Palo Alto youth group to come and talk on Wednesday night. We met with the head to talk about how she wanted to present.

Then at 5:30 I met with Joanne in the lobby and we walked out to Taverna or a nice supper. Afterward I went up to the 11th floor and this time could see the comet nicely. The iPhone 16 got a decent picture, too.

Sunday 10/13/2024

water plants, do crossword. Then decided to walk to the Cal. Ave street market. That’s one of the best markets around, full of people. Bought some plums for my own snacking.

At 3 I went and set up for a Sunday@Home event. These are monthly events where a resident or a resident’s relative, talks about pretty much anything. In this case, the speaker was David Liston, grandson of residents Joanna and Laurie, who just completed F18 training including carrier landing school. He described the various stages of Naval Aviation training, from his ROTC days at Cal, to Pensacola, to Texas, and now to San Diego. He had a video taken by someone else, of him landing an F18 on the deck of a carrier. Also a video of him undergoing 7.5 Gs in a centrifuge. A fun talk.

After supper I noted the western horizon was clear so went up to 11, to the open roof walk, to look for the comet. I finally found it, farther to the right of Venus and higher up than I expected. It’s not bright, but it is quite large, a huge fuzzy Q-tip in the sky. Tomorrow night I will try to take a picture. Using the Nikon? Probably. Well, I’ve got a tripod bracket for the phone, maybe I’ll see if the iPhone 16 can get it.